I felt I was standing atop a very slippery slope. After that year, I stopped drinking heavily and focused my efforts on my education and building a foundation for a career. To some degree, I don’t think my dad even knew in those early years, how much my mother’s drinking affected me but we had conversations about it. He called it a Jekyll and Hyde situation.
- You’re sensitive to criticism, which fuels your people-pleasing.
- The ticks in the diary changed to question marks.
- Worse, I was perpetually confused by my mother’s behavior.
- But the thing is, that’s a pretty high standard to live up to, and it can come with a lot of pressure.
- “I can’t relax or stop checking on them, I’m hyper aware.”
Addiction Awareness Week 2023
Remind yourself that you are not responsible for your parents drinking too much and that you cannot cause it or stop it, only they can. Recognising how a parent’s drinking makes you feel can help you from burying your feelings and pretending that everything’s fine. Youhave a hard time with transitions and changes.
You dont outgrow the effects of an alcoholic family when you leave home
Help that I was not qualified to give him. But in the throes of it was angry, abusive, a fantasist and could think up a billion reasons why they needed to drink. The more educated I’ve become, the more people in my people I’ve helped. Sometimes having a friend listen to my problems – another human being who is removed from the situation to look at everything with objective eyes – can be very powerful. I remember one time when I was 17 or so, I had the flu. I had a very high fever and was so dizzy and weak, I feared that if I stood up, I would faint.
‘Alcoholism led me to live under bush’
You might also try to convince your parent to get the help they need. Let’s talk about the person you are worried about – who is experiencing the pain of having a loved who is an alcoholic. He or she may not be ready to get educated about being an adult child of an alcoholic or addiction. After graduation, I took a full-time job. I considered trying to get custody of my sister but I had only just graduated from college and I feared “the system” would place her elsewhere because I was so young. So, I split my time between work and being the stable person my sister needed.
Ignoring the addiction won’t make it go away
Access to support so that recovery should be possible for everyone. She actually hasn’t drunk for around a year now. After an accident she had (whilst drunk), she had a long spell in hospital. She obviously couldn’t drink, suffered horrendous withdrawal and had to be medically detoxed. Certain members of my family assume as she’s not drinking anymore that we can all come together again and build relationships back up.
One night he left me 32 drunken ‘help me’ voice messages in a one hour period! But I also realized (with a counselor’s help) that if he did, it was his decision to do so and that I was not responsible in any way. It nearly killed me to cut him off and stop enabling him. I could determine, with spot-on accuracy, how many beers she’d consumed just by looking at her face or hearing her speak one or words. I could also alcohol and violence statistics predict if she planned on drinking that night or not. If she had supplies, she’d act happy, even giddy, that day.
Speak out and talk to someone you trust about getting support for your alcoholic parent. While you may be worried about reaching out, it’s important that your parent gets the help that they need. I am so deeply sorry that you have had to grow up in a home with an unpredictable mother and a passive father. I can certainly understand how confusing it must be to watch your father sit by passively as your mother engages in destructive and out-of-control behavior. Perhaps your father is afraid of your mother and provoking even more of her anger. Maybe he was raised in a family with similar dynamics and has learned that a lack of response to such behavior works best for him.
I’ve had to learn to dissociate at these points. I feel that regardless of whether you give an ultimatum to your dm that you have little to no control or influence over the path her alcoholism takes and the severity of it. My own dm didn’t deteriorate once I left home or her marriage broke down. All that meant was she was free to drink just as much as she had always done – just without any grief or hassle from anyone. She still continued to see the side of her family which enabled her drinking though.
So if Becky ever found one of her mum’s stashed bottles she’d pour the vodka away, replace it with water and then carefully return the bottle to its hiding place. But neither of them ever talked about it. Growing up with a parent who has a drinking problem can profoundly affect children in many ways. Children of alcoholics are more likely to suffer from depression, struggle in school, and experience abuse and violence at home. Many find that they are still deeply affected by their parent’s drinking as adults – like Becky Ellis Hamilton.